In the next 10 seconds, can you name 3 things that bring you joy?
Last week, I had the good fortune to attend a Bonnie Raitt concert. It was one of the few times in the recent pandemic years that I placed myself in a crowd. I had a bit of anxiety. My senses hadn't been stimulated that strongly in a long time and I was worried about how overwhelming it might be. And, of course, the ever-present COVID-19 concern.
But, it was a Bonnie Raitt concert - and I love Bonnie. And I'm concert-deprived. So I was there.
The evening was perfect: temperature in the '70s with low humidity, a comfortable breeze, and a clear sky. The venue was an outdoor performing arts center sitting on a plateau in a park with a view of the Philadephia skyline. Later in the evening, the Strawberry full moon rose from behind that skyline. Perfect.
Bonnie was perfect too. In the middle of her amazing set, I did a self-check-in - a habit I've developed over the years. It's a brief pause to mindfully assess what I'm experiencing at the moment. At that moment, I was grinning from ear to ear, surrounded by thousands of my fellow human beings that were having as much fun as I was, hearing music that I deeply enjoyed, and feeling free from my daily routine and stressors.
I was having an unusually great time and had to ask myself, "What is this I'm feeling right now?" The answer came quickly. "Oh wow, this is joy." Which was then followed by the realization that I had not felt this way in some time. Satisfaction, pleasure, and happiness ... sure. But not joy. It was a sobering moment. Why have I not been attentive to the absence of joy in my life?
After the concert, as we walked back to the car and watched the full moon rise from behind the skyline, I challenged myself to name five other things that give me the same feeling I had that evening. I failed to name even one. Somehow, I had lost my connection with joy.
I decided to do something about that. This post is part of that goal.
What is joy?
The dictionary definitions seem lacking ... and arguably off-track. "A feeling of great pleasure and happiness." (Oxford Languages) "The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires." (Meriam-Webster) These seem to imply that joy comes from external factors. Which doesn't resonate with me.
Even the Chinese Medicine perspective on joy, within the Five Element Theory, benefits from being viewed in a broader context. Joy is listed as one of the primary emotions and is associated with the Fire element and the summer season. Joy is most often described as being one of the causes of systemic imbalances and disease (along with the other emotions of anger, anxiety, pensiveness, grief, fear, and fright). This makes sense when, in this context, joy is presented as analogous to 'over-stimulation'. Over-stimulation is damaging. But that is not a fair and complete presentation of joy.
Over-stimulation is the excess expression of joy. It's the child at their birthday party who - being so over-stimulated with activity, attention, happiness, and sugar - inevitably ends up in tears and then falls into a deep sleep. Tears, a natural release, are a quick way to correct the imbalance created by the over-stimulation. And this is usually how joy is presented - as being analogous to 'over-stimulation'. But there is a broader context.
The emotions have three expressions: their deficient expression, their balanced expression, and their excess expression. Joy in excess is 'over-stimulation'. Deficient joy is 'depression' or 'lack of feeling or connection'.
Joy in balance can be described as: a deep experience of connection (either spiritually or with other people); a strong experience of one - or a combined feeling of some - of the following: caring, gratitude, thankfulness, inner peace, contentment, sense of selfless service, appreciation, and the fruitful culmination of our efforts. Joy is typically associated with inward circumstances (as compared to the outward circumstances that result in the more temporary experience of happiness). Joy is what brings out a smile from deep within yourself.
'Joy in balance' is nurturing and supportive to your health and wellbeing. Cultivating joy certainly enhances your quality of life. And joy can be experienced alongside other emotions ... you can experience joy while you are grieving and it can exist alongside anxiety and fear. Joy can soften those emotions and serve as a foundation for challenging times.
Summer is a perfect time to ask yourself, "What brings me joy?"
Create More Joy
Writing this blog post brought some clarity to what I experienced at the Bonnie Raitt concert ... I found it joyful because of the connection and appreciation I was feeling. The experience began with a beautiful evening and a great view. I deeply appreciated the music and Bonnie has a way of connecting to her audience. So I was one of a few thousand that were very connected to the musician and the music ... and that connected all of us. I hadn't experienced that level of 'group connection' for quite some time in our COVID-restricted world. And it brought me joy.
So here are some tips for creating more joy:
Make your joy list. What brings you joy? Think about it, write it down, and plan to do more of those things on purpose.
Make connections. Arrange to spend time with those you love and enjoy.
Express your gratitude. Consider a daily practice of taking stock of what you are grateful for. Start your day and/or end your day by making this list. You can write it down in a gratitude journal if you like.
Look for joy. In any situation or setting, ask yourself the question, "Where is the joy here?" Look for connection, beauty, gratitude, compassion, and love wherever you go.
What makes you smile? What makes you smile just by thinking about it? Also, try this ... take a few private moments in front of a mirror and get comfortable with smiling at yourself - not a forced smile, but a genuine, 'I mean it' smile. Once you move past the awkwardness, it's a powerful practice.
Get into the flow of summer and allow it to nurture and balance your joy. Summer is the season where we naturally engage in activities that bring forth joy or keep joy from tipping into 'over-stimulation'.
Summer is a great time for gathering with friends and loved ones to connect. It is a time of natural beauty and abundance. These activities are the remedy for 'joy-deficiency'.
It is also a time that we naturally gravitate towards bodies of water, walk barefoot on the earth, or get our bodies moving in enjoyable ways (swimming, dancing, hiking, etc.). Many of us take a vacation during the summer, where we get to slow down and relax. These activities are the remedy for the over-stimulation in our lives, bodies, and minds.
Bring out your inner 5-year-old. When life feels overwhelming, when you are over-stimulated and over-committed, and the stress is building up, have a good cry and then take a long nap. It's the wisdom of children.
"Enjoy your summer" literally means "put joy into your summer"!
So, enjoy your summer everyone!
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