Book by Pema Chodron
"'If you want to see what has brought you to this point, look at your past thoughts and actions. If you want to see your future, look at your present thoughts and actions.' What's happening in today's world is the result of the collective thoughts and actions of everyone on the planet. We can't just erase everything that has led up to this and make things better all at once. But we can each take responsibility for our own state of mind as we go forward into the future. Instead of continuing to close down and defend our own territory, we can learn to relax with the true nature of reality, which is uncertain and unpredictable. This is the only way to transform the world from a place of escalating aggression to a place of awakening. Learning how to relate sanely with our chaotic world is no longer a luxury. It's our responsibility. Good thing it's something we're all capable of doing." - Pema Chodron
Have you ever had a book present itself at exactly the right time in your life?
I knew for some time that this book would be my first review. I was aware of the book (and the author) for years, but only began reading it when I decided the time had come to respond differently to the pandemic's impact on my life. Things had indeed, fallen apart.
My original pandemic strategy was to wait it out until the world normalized again. It took me two years to realize that wasn't going to happen and that I needed a new strategy.
This book's title grabbed me and it has been a blessing of perfect timing. It has helped me to identify a new path for myself - and I am grateful for that!
The Path is the Goal
You will likely make your own connections with specific insights and topics provided in this book. And don't be surprised to find yourself coming back to it repeatedly and finding new insights and deeper understandings every time. It is rich with thought-provoking content.
One of my strongest connections was with the concept that "the path is the goal". This is presented so well in chapter 22:
"Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we're going to be more cheerful in the future, it's because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the present. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now. When we find ourselves in a mess, we don't have to feel guilty about it. Instead, we could reflect on the fact that how we relate to this mess will be sowing the seeds of how we will relate to whatever happens next. We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves strong. The amount of effort is the same. Right now we are creating our state of mind for tomorrow, not to mention this afternoon, next week, next year, and all the years of our lives."
Your life goal is not about getting somewhere. It is about the manner in which you are walking your path. When the path presents you with a messy, muddy swamp or puts a mountain in your way, how you relate to and respond to those unwanted "inconveniences" is the goal of life. Said another way, the goal of your life is to be forever on the path that will continually present you with messy opportunities so you can practice responding in ways that will enrich your experience of life and make you stronger. The trick is to take yourself off auto-pilot and mindfully engage.
While you might fear that rising up to meet life's challenges in a positive and constructive way may "require too much effort and energy", consider how much effort and energy is wasted in chronic worry and anxiety! The truth is, you will lose so much less energy and have so much more enjoyment of life when you purposefully commit to engaging mindfully in the "messiness of your life".
Learning How to Relate Sanely to Our Chaotic World
Walking through life on auto-pilot is a sure way to miss out on living. When life is difficult, chaotic, heart-breaking, or mystifying, the pull to zone out into auto-pilot and become purely reactive to life is very strong. It's a coping mechanism that works to a degree - but only to a small degree. In the long run, reactive living creates about as much suffering as does the unwanted event we are reacting to.
There is another way, however! This book is a deep exploration in how you can engage in the chaotic world in a way that helps you grow and flourish as you mindfully face the unwanted in your life. Pema Chodron shares one of the most powerful and effective ways to manage life's challenges - which is by not trying to manage them at all, but by surrenduring to them in a way that tansforms energy-sapping experiences into growth experiences that make you stronger and more resilient.
It's a wonderful perspective that tends to run counter to our Western approach - but which, I believe, is more effective and fruitful.
Suggested Actions
We cannot live a life free from pain and suffering. They are part of the package deal that is the human experience. However, each of us has the power to break out of our learned habits and experiment with new ways of engaging with our world.
Consider reading this book. It's a gem. It's a life-changer.
Experiment with the "Embracing the Unwanted Practice"
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